Kid Ick-arus
by IAMASEXYMAN
Summary: The true and totally legit sequel to Kid Icarus: Uprising.


Kid Dickarus: Uprising 2

It was an average day in Skyworld. Twenty-five years had passed since Pit had defeated Hades. With nothing to do and no action to be had, Pit had grown horribly out of shape and became obese. Pit was now nothing more than a caretaker for Skyworld. A bad one, at that. Hell, the the mot juste was that he was horrid. "Pit!", Palutena called. Pit sighed and got up off the couch he was resting on, brushed some crumbs off his top, and rushed to answer Palutena's cries. "What the hell do you want now?", he asked. Palutena giggled. "I just wanted to see you come running up. It's funny when your out of shape body gets all jiggly from it," she said. Pit was immediately flaming with rage. "Oh, really. Well, now that you're done mocking me, I think I'll get back to my leisure," Pit grumbled. Palutena cracked up even more. "Oh come on, we both know you have no life and real hobbies. You're just gonna go sleep on the couch and eat all our food," she said mockingly. Pit yelled as his face turned red, and leaped at Palutena. "YOU'VE HAD THIS A LONG TIME COMING," Pit screamed, as he punched Palutena in the face. Palutena started coughing and tried getting a hold on Pit, but she was already pinned down by his obese body. "WHO'S THE RULER NOW, HUH?", Pit kept screaming. All the Centurions watched the spectacle in awe as Palutena was beat to death by Pit. "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR FRIENDZONING ME IN THE PAST AND THEN MOCKING ME AFTER DOING OH SO MUCH FOR YOUR LAZY ASS," Pit cried. Palutena started crying. "I'VE ALWAYS LIKED YOU PIT, BUT YOU'RE AN ANGEL AND I'M A GODDESS. I JUST WOULDN'T WORK," she screamed, right before dying. Pit laid there on top of Palutena, staring down at her dead face. "...Guess I'm ruler of Skyworld now," he cheerfully said.

And that's how shit started up again... As another year passed, Skyworld had gone terribly downhill and Pit grew to an even worse shape. He couldn't even move out of his throne without being carried by servants. "Oh, over to the left," Pit said, as Centurions slowly moved him along from below. "FASTER," he demanded, as the grunts started rushing and losing their energy. Pit had the Centurions carry him all the way to a mountain peak with a vivid sunset, similar to the place he had multiple battles with Dark Pit. "Stop, set me down riiiiiiight here," Pit said. The Centurions dropped Pit's fatass onto the ground and caught their breathe. "...You know, I should try and get back into shape," Pit thought aloud. "YES!", all the Centurions cheered. "Well in that case, I shall send you all out to go get healthy supreme quality vegetables for me so I can go on a diet," Pit said. It was only a matter of seconds before all the Centurions left to go fill the obese angel's request.

Pit sat for hours awaiting the return of his army, but nobody came back. Not only was he pissed off because they most likely ditched them, but Pit was also uneasy. There was a weird shake coming from the ground. Pit rolled over on his side to look behind himself. Something big and fierce tore through the ground. It was Hades. "I HAVE BEEN REBORN," he announced. Pit nearly shat himself. He was in no condition to fight. Hades turned to Pit. "Why hello Pitty-Pat, glad to see you're in good shape," Hades teased. Pit would have made a shitty remark that seemed clever to himself, but at the moment the only thing shitty about him was his pants, for he was scared shitless. "HEEELP," Pit cried. "CENTURIONS ASSEMBLE," he yelled. He kept calling out for them, but none of them came to help him. Hades lifted up his foot, as it casted a shadow of Pit. "Goodbye, Pitty," Hades said while chuckling. As Hades put his foot down, something flew out from the distance and attacked him. "Pittoo!", Pit called. It was Dark Pit. "Call me that again and next time I let you die," Dark Pit threatened. Pit drew back as Dark Pit beat the shit out of Hades with ease.

Hades blew up and blood flew everywhere. "Glad that's over with," Pit said, as the credits played. But before they got past the slightest bit of info, giant tits tore into them as a creepy voice broke out in laughter. It was Persephone, Hades' wife in Greek mythology! "Oh shit, they pulled another Uprising," Dark Pit said. "I brought Hades back to life! AND YOU KILLED HIM AGAIN! Not only on my birthday, but my period as well!", Persephone yelled. Dark Pit got into battle stance, and Pit tried to roll into one as well, but Persephone stopped them. "No, it's fine. I don't want to fight, because I'm secretly bisexual anyway. I've always liked Palutena in the sidelines...", she said. "I can show you where she's at now if you want," Dark Pit offered, but Pit was now freaking out. He had literally just killed Palutena a few paragraphs ago. "I'll leave you here for now, pitstain," said Dark Pit, as he left with Persephone to head over to Skyworld. Pit just frantically jumbled through thoughts inside his head. With little time to think, Pit just rolled off the peak of the mountain he had been left on and rolled through hills and downward paths and rolled up a ramp that flew him all the way back to Skyworld. He broke through the floor of the main room just as Persephone and Dark Pit entered, impacting with Dark Pit so hard they became one again. Dark Pit's clothing slowly turned white in the style of Pit's, as Pit grew control over the vessel. "So, what room is she hiding in?", Persephone asked. Pit gulped in fear as she walked through the room, heading to Palutena's former throne. Pit followed Persephone expecting the worse. "Oh, looks like she's out running errands," Persephone thought aloud. Pit realized what a perfect excuse it was. "Yup, guess that's it," he lied, as the closet door in the corner of the room flung open and Palutena fell out. There was an odd silent tension in the room. Persephone looked at Pit, pissed off. "How. Do. You. Explain. THAT?", she screamed, slamming her fist down on Pit. "I-I can explain!", Pit cried as he got the living shit beat out of him. Persephone kiled Pit, and then departed.

That night, Pit awoke. Apparently he had a second life after absorbing Dark Pit. "...What now?", he asked himself in the darkness of the night. Pit thought back and reflected upon his life in the past 100 or so years. He thought about all the hot chicks he had met, and one in particular came to his mind. Girl, from Chapter 18 of Kid Icarus: Uprising. Pit remembered being in her body, and what it felt like to have the gracefulness of feminine body parts. Pit flew off. He embarked on a quest to go find his true love, Girl from Chapter 18.

Months passed, and Pit had finally found her. She was homeless and had no friends. Pit followed her back to the box she slept in, way in the back of an alleyway. "I have returned," Pit said. Girl from Chapter 18 instantly recognized Pit. She teared up and embraced him. "I am sorry Pit, while I may love you enough to know your name for no fucking reason even though this is an uncanon fic, I already have a person near and dear to me," she said, revealing a wedding ring. Thanatos popped out from the back alleyway. "Honey, when's dinner starting?", he asked in a creepily soft tone. Pit threw up all over Girl from Chapter 18 and left as fast as he could. Pit thought over more options of he could be his potential waifu, and another came to mind. Viridi.

Pit had reached Viridi. "Viridi, I have something to ask you," he said, as Magnus entered from another room. Pit already knew what shit was going down. "YOU'RE with Viridi?", he asked. Magnus laughed. "Yeah, Gaol died. Kinda happy about it since I wanted to move on," he said. Pit left the room without a word and walked down the halls of Viridi's fortress, and heard singing coming from behind a door with steam coming from within. Pit rushed over to the door and broke it. It was Phosphora, taking a shower. Phosphora screamed upon noticing Pit watching her, and took a scrub and bashed it against his head. "STAY OUT!", she yelled. And with this, Pit was out of valid options... until he remembered one candidate; Amazon Pandora.

Pit found Amazon Pandora, and Amazon Pandora, being the whore she was, agreed to marry Pit. The two's wedding went well, and the night drew in. Pit and Amazon Pandora were ready to get down for some serious kinky action. Pit inserted his "club" and "orbitars" into Amazon Pandora's "Cannon's" hole. Amazon Pandora enjoyed it quite a lot, and she orgasmed so hard she accidentally reverted back to her blobby flame form and burnt off Pit's dick and wings, as Pit slowly burnt to death and died.

The End.


End file.
